Sum up 2012 please???

Milestone! Baby year done!
Milestone! Baby year done!

Wow time flies when you are busy.

Someone recently said its the trauma moments in your life that will end up defining who you are.

I don’t hope so. Or maybe it will be the way we reacted to all the trauma what will define who we are busy becoming in the end.

I have started this blog a while ago and lacked time and reason to continue writing. At home I keep beautiful paper blanks journals, written in my indecipherable artistic handwriting. I usually write down funny things the kids did and said, my frustration with the state of the world, and plans, plans plans.

One thing I hope I might get one of these days is a little tablet, from which I can type my life while leisurely sitting on the couch … and being able to READ later what I wrote will be amazing!

My empty new paperblank for 2013 looks green and tempting to start writing those first pages.

A blog on the other hand is exciting, you never know who will read, and you are forced to sort through your own thoughts a little more thorough as you don’t want to spread chaos but enlightenment, sort of.

2012 was the most horrible year of my life. And it was great too, considering that it was the first year with my second son. What a privilege to be the guide to those baby steps of a world changer.

Being a working mom (without a nanny, mind you) puts me in danger of becoming “stuck” in survival mode.

Since I am from a different nation, I also face a lot of prejudice with every step i am trying to take.

In the end I let all the misunderstandings or lets call it gossip 🙂 steal my joy and confidence away. So much so, that I didn’t even try putting together a christmas musical this year. Shame, it’s what I love, putting together a great show. Will do so next year, hopefully. This year I had to learn to let go of insecurity and fear of people.

Almost went off the deep end there for a moment, considering a short cut to heaven after some very discouraging encounters. Well to be honest I went beyond considering. (When you update a post later on, chances are no one in the whole world will ever read it anyway). After a couple of serious nervous breakdowns which were laughed off I thought maybe if I go into a coma someone will take this serious. I need change I cannot possibly go on this way. But I just slept real deep and real long and felt like garbage for a couple of days. The show must go on. No guardian angels, no shortcut to heaven either …

But God  He has a way of sending his angels to give you a good slap in the face when you need it hey!

So here I am, having strategized and drafted and written down road maps for 2013 all day.

My wonderful role as the wife of the pastor of a unique church in South Africa is a challenging one. I am here to facilitate change to the better, to be a visionary and encourager. To push forward and to collect that what falls behind.

God help me!

Sometimes we just need to meet people who energize us afresh, and to take good impulses out of those encounters. It doesn’t mean you need to walk a mile together. Just thankful for every unique being that crosses my path. People are so precious. I need to focus on making real good friends in 2013. The world can’t be changed by a lone lion.

So priorities 2013 include focussing on a good network of friends outside our work circle and getting creative again with the gifts God gave me. Even start writing that book. For now I am busy helping my husband in editing his book and also his prophetic articles for 2013. Sow and you shall reap.

As leaders in our regional network of churches we will focus much more on practically helping the churches around us.

We ourselves struggled through 7 hard years, where nobody was willing to step in and lend a helping hand. We learned to persevere, to not buckle under pressure, to love as much as God loves. He never gives up on no-one. I also learned exactly where my point break is. Wow that’s a good one to learn.

In my heart wells up so much compassion again for my colleagues in the ministry.

Instead of worrying about myself I should focus on what others in the same shoes really need.

Financial worries plagued the church and held us down. Many projects couldn’t be realised because of a lack of funds.

I am more determined than ever to make a difference where I am. So I went on Google Maps to check it out. Limpopo. Doesn’t sound too exciting – but there are soooo many opportunities to help.

I am making this quality decision today, after all the plans are drafted, to keep eyes and heart open for the one that needs help. The lady at the gate asking for bread, the leader of a big ministry that is close to break down, and anyone in between. I have a lot to give and need to be brave.

Thank You Jesus for your abounding grace.


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