To know a woman – a plea for love 2

Even as an eleven year old I was a fierce believer in true love. Love, the kind that takes time to grow, requires mutual attraction and respect, is a mystical force of nature as well as a rare and timid air reserved for unforeseeable moments, in short, love as a form of art.

I was blessed enough to grow up in an environment that let me be a child, slowly discovering for myself what I want in life and also, how I would want to be loved. Nobody forced their own ideals on me. This is something I am fighting for, that kids can be kids and girls are left to grow up peacefully into the women THEY want to be.

Through my love of literature and all things creative I kept coming back to the human race’s eternal search for answers on how to attain and maintain love’s sweet and fierce spirit.

One author I came to love is Alexandre Jardin. In “Fanfan” he asks the question how can wekeep falling in love, and keep the suspense, the joy of learning how to win over the beloved person’s heart, without ever becoming complacent of each other.

This is a book I would immediate make required reading for all grade 11’s in South Africa. In a country where we are casually talking about “rape culture” the art of devoting one’s entire time, energy and creativity into really getting to know the loved person and very slowly and thoughtfully, yet nevertheless intensely, winning their love, might seem so foreign as the sound of a violin to a cave man. FanFan is a passionate french love story, a little bit crazy and over the top made in a movie with Sophie Marceau.  Books like this are very well able to trigger some new thinking in our South African kids about what love and friendship can be like, and I think that’s much more important brainfood than accounting.

Valentine’s day is big in South Africa. Again the silly pressure mounts to on this very day prove one’s love and devotion by purchasing useless trinkets, wasting money on hideous cards … you get the picture.

Of course, those of you who are “cultured” enough to even bother reading someone’s blog are probably far above that.

If you happen to have a woman in your life who you love and cherish, you are blessed.

To me, a woman represents all that is good and precious in this world.

Her ever present ability to love, her awesome ability to create and nourish life, her innate creativity and grace, should make her the cherished and highly valued asset of every society. Instead women all over the world are being oppressed, taken advantage of, belittled, victimized. Why is that? Only a lesser man would feel the need to destroy beauty because he feels threatened by it. True strength is shown through the ability to love, protect and cherish.

I hope you are one of those rare love artists, who have devoted part of their life to learn how to love and keep love growing.

Know a woman.

By this I mean, do not know what YOU think a woman should be like, but KNOW the woman.

I told my South African husband that women are not born wanting to cook and sew and look after babies. Women are born as individuals, human beings with very different dreams and hopes. Loving a woman does not mean buying and bunch of roses so she might be a contend housekeeper for another year.

Loving a woman means finding it fullfilling if walking with her at the beach sharing thoughts of the heart would be all you would ever do …

Know the woman you are with, and show her that her heart is pleasing to you.

That is a life long art to be studied.

Dont give this up. The world around is is rough, evil, destructive. It takes a new kind of gentleman and knight to stand against a sea of ever increasing violence. By opposing those who try to take by force what should be given as a grace, maybe you can end the invasion of evil. The ability to love a lady is a beautiful measure for the depth of soul of a society.

Christiane

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15 thoughts on “To know a woman – a plea for love 2”

    1. Hi Amos, I really love the wise words of your recently published work http://rolbos.wordpress.com/2013/04/20/shades-of-guilt-in-calvinia/
      ““Guys don’t seem satisfied to settle and work on a sacred and pure relationship. That isn’t something to boast about. It’s not sought after. But let a scoundrel go out there and defile beauty, and he’s assured of an adoring audience when it comes to bragging time. …And … because little girls are taught to be obedient.” “We live in a sick society, Betty. Nothing is sacred any more. Even purity isn’t good enough any more.”

      Hope you find some appreciative readers who can see beyond the initial shock of the title 😉

      1. Ah, thank you – I always try to bubble up something of value, some truism we all ignore in our efforts to survive. It’s a sad fact that relationships have become shallow and mostly meaningless.
        Moreover, I appreciate the discerning reader who spots that.
        Thank you so much…

      2. It takes effort to package some real deep thoughts into a lighthearted narrative! In today’s post (almost ready to publish) I do not manage that so well. But would appreciate if you check it out?

  1. There are so many things that stop men from doing all you ask – we are pretty damaged beings – my own blog is about some of that – as for the day, today, I am not a big fan of Valentine’s day I must admit, but the other big theme of your blog – the oppression of women is an important one (and I did a post reflecting on my own relationship to such oppression, as well as on the oppression itself more generally) – the reason I say this is that the thing that triggered it was that radio station using a pip every four minutes to designate another woman getting raped – and that is just in South Africa. We humans have a long way to go, and the 3 billion men further to go that the other 3 billion I fear.

    Thank you for your blog, and especially for this post – it is generous and kind of you….I cannot say that many of us are worthy – but it sounds like you at least have made a life…goodness I am just raving on…..sorry. I might stop there. But thank you 🙂

    1. Hi, greetings to Australia!

      Yes my blog is about education, about bridging all sorts of different worlds, cultures and opinions. Thank you for your comment. Women are very special and need to be respected, period. As to worthiness, you are worthy because you are on this earth. I regard every living thing as worthy of my respect and nobody has the right to break someone down. If we humans are so super smart to develop a system where God is taken totally out of the euqation, we do find our selves more and more at loss to explain why we should respect each other, not murder, not abuse, etc, because suddenly there is no reason for our existence anymore, hence it’s all relative. That’s why I advocate to keep God in the picture. Because He loved us so much, the bible says (John 3:16). If this world was created OUT of LOVE, than love must be what binds it together … and love is what needs to be applied to create, heal, build and explain. Without love, we are all doomed.

      1. Dear C, I do not share your faith in God, but I do admire and respect it, and you. You seem to me to be a very kind person yourself, and I suppose that is what I responded to in all the messages of justice and respect in your blog. As you can tell, I have my own struggles, but I share in your quest for respect and justice. More yet, I like the single mindedness of what you are doing and I am deeply grateful that you are able to see value in me, for I struggle myself to see that.

        Thank you, then, and I just want to wish you the best in your work…John

      2. The best way to win our battles is to acknowledge them. In doing so, we display honesty and humility which are signs of true strength. You will get through this because you are an honest soul. And you know, if love was made by God, it will find you wether you are a believer or not. To thank the one who created it, is then your call … I really hope this will be a good weekend for you.

  2. I like your emphasis on developing relationship & valuing people. This is really the answer– actual love is so much more satisfying than power based on hate; but it entails vulnerability. Perhaps this is what we could focus on to begin re-shaping a culture that is so broken. Penalties for violence are important; but how can we begin the healing process? I don’t have the answers, but try to nurture love where I can.

  3. That’s a beautiful text! I myself don’t think you need a Valentine’s Day at all — there are so many areas in life that don’t work better if you apply this kind of pressure.

I would really love some feedback from you!

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